sian

i wanna get out of whateva i am doing now!!! though its only 5 months more... but i think i had enu!!! ahhhhhhh... jia you jia you!

jd... wh... nic... zj... and jc jus went in.. haiz.. less ppl to hang out with le

wishes all the best to them

Nostalgic song-sweet memories

we went out to watch the fireworks performance by France today at marina SQ, even jczjzj were all there.. just like before.. for years we had been meeting up for this simple get-together... just that the size of participants has gotten larger..

it was quite magnificent performance by France.. i will say that i think its even better than the local version from the ndp...

on the way home... we missed the bus 147 (damn those inconsiderate, self-centered passengers who refused to move back) ended up separated from yhhj... haaahha how great right...

when we finally made our way back to hg.. we had supper at blk401.. out of the blue jjd to mi abt how he stumbled across my late frens friendster acct... there are still people who actually post commets onto her profile...

when i was home ... i suddenly had this urge of looking back again at her frozen blog @livejournal .. its still the same as before...the day i learn the bad news of her depart.. i was suddenly reminded of the sad memories of losing her... though earnestly we were not even close frens to begin with.. but i still miss her.. a sudden burst of emotion from the bottom of my heart sort of teared me...

i was listening to the song sweet memories by olivia.. it jus happened to dipicted what was going thur me when i was reading the blog... i really missed her at times... i missed the times when we were younger... back at hgsec.. mi nic n jjd doing that stupid business proj with that teo bee lan...
i know that its impossible to go back in time... live back those sweet carefree fun moments.. and also.. to see her once again.. my impression of her is slowly fading away... i regreted that i didnt take jus a min of my life to jus drop her a msg of "keep in touch" or simply " helo! long time no c.. meet up soon"... all i could rmb is our last meeting outsidethe staff room for the proj.. how shameful : (


PS: as a interesting note.. our eccentric hc fall flat on his back jus this afternoon.... as according to our dearest jjd.. he had quite a clumsy fall with legs all straighten out... sounds funny anyway!

Great

you see.. it has been yrs since i last had chalet.. i rmb clearly the last one was 19th dec of 2006... and it has been a long time since i wanted to know more ppl n know them better..

what i meant is that .. i had outlook the importance to just stick to a single clique... staying loyal to it... it actually came only after jd's cooling attitude towards our clique... i realise that my world shld nv be centered jus abt them... it became clear to mi that i must expand my social network.. n not just that... it must also be deepened..

since a week ago.. i have not stop reminding myself how great the chalet was... it was seriously pure fun and laughter.. the kind of fun that i will consider as more than mere joy... i got to know jc n zj better in person.. and not jus that.. hc n zj(girl) and xr also... it felt more like a holiday overseas..

maybe its also abt the feeling of being included.. and look after... a new clique perhaps... it another indication that my life is moving forward.. i know that such experience will nv occur again cos they r going army le.. maybe not so soon at least..

but still i will nv forget the slpless nights of games of guessture and animal game...

Thanks...!

another game of sudoku..?

jus 2 days back i was having a chat with robot... ahah.. seriously hes very cute...not in the gay sense... but rather like how a little boy looks at a soft toy... anyway... he was telling me how his primary, sec and jc school days were like when he was asked ...

"ah... freak... that crazy women(pri sch form teacher) always gives piles of homework ... such that i can only slp at 12 or 1 am everyday..."

"253 is my PSLE score"

"freak! only got 7 pts... compared to others i am average"

at that time i was reminded of how i used to think of my life... a screwed up game of sudoku ... due to jus 1 wrong move at the beginning ... resulting in more mistakes... such that its impossible to pin point where they are.. the only thing left on the list to help is to erase everything... and start a new... but how is that possible in real life.. its not possible that i can reverse the time back to my pri school days ... for many times ... i had always been feeling regretful of this... i always tot that if that can happen... i may even be a scholar..!

giving it a second tot... i suddenly realise that... my tot may be flawed too...

least i can proudly announce to the world that i had a wonderful childhood and teenage! shldnt i be more gratful for that..?! the ans is YES... least i enjoy my life... i was never forced to do homework "like a sec school student"... i nv knew how stress felt like when i wastaking my psle... least i get to go hougang sec... which happens to be one of the happiest part of my life till now... if not for that i wounldnt get to know them my buddies...

though i understand that paper qualifications will follow u through one's life..but guess the influence will not be any where comparable to that of a going-to-be 8 yr friendship...


all i have to do now is work hard for a better, brighter tml... afterall life is abt the management of joy and happiness...instead of blaming my parents for not bringing me up well... i shld thank them for give mi a wonderful childhood that is free of stress...

THANKS MUMMY and DADDY.. love u all

choices in life

OMG... all of a sudden i was bombarded by this sudden urge to change the path in my life...

The story goes like this.. on this fine day of the 25th may 2008.. we went to pulau ubin.. it was an outing as suggested by me.. though i can see... all except for jimei is not showing me any support... it was a rather like some kind of passion for me.. and i never had chance to realize it until that day...

we always take things in life for granted.. you me.. everyone of us.. we never bother to give a damn about things...unless something awful happens.. something like losing it forever... that is kinda like what happened on that day..

as such...i am not only referring in that incident that only she is at fault.. i do agree that i am at wrong too.. she is not right by taking the word 'sorry' for granted.. as long as my principles is concerned.... basic courtesy still must be observed .. its only for the simple reason of mutual respect...

anyway... its already over .. so shall end here

mesmerized

Recently an old friend came back from Canada.. and so we had this small reunion with all the old classmates.. oh my... since the day we grad from hg sec.. we freaking years had passed.. on top of that we are approaching our 20s... and that equates to being old!!!! ahhhhh... then

but it was a very nice meeting.. altogether 15 of us attended.. we had dinner at the settlers cafe..the outing actually struck a thought in me.. whats the reson for why people are always so mesmerized by the past... experiences and events in fact... and is always longing and eager to relive them..

then just a few days later... some of us decide make a trip back to hg sec... we had long long chats with all the teachers... like as if they are our friends... at that point of time... i felt this weird and strange sensation.. such that one will felt thankful to be alive and it doesnt stop there.. every sec spend is fully utilize and pure enjoyment... the word for it is MESMERIZING.... just like any typical dude.. sometimes i really hope that time can just freeze.. and for me it will be my secondary school days.. but humans are just some stupid idiots who never appreciate what they get to own.. until they lost it.. sometimes the lost can be lifelong.. and at times for a short while.. and soon returns to the owner.. but one thing for sure.. youth and time will never pity on us.. least i think i should be glad that my youth is a beautiful one, surrounded by many friends and good memories..

it was so sweet... fond ... and mesmerizing .. so that i felt like i am talking to the XX i knew 4 yrs ago... and as if that four years had never been there st all.. and that it was only just yesterday that we left that place... i am hereby to say a big thanks to anyone and anything that is responsible for the sweet memories

luxury

Today's topic is about luxury... hmmm sometimes its really confusing...what is a good balance to maintain between dreams and reality....

i once had this dream.. as in literally... the kind of dream you would have during your sleep... that i was someone else.. i couldnt see how the other me look like(Duh... i dont have a mirror with me in the dream.. and its a 1st person kind of dream) but... the whole feeling of myself and the environment is very different from the norm... i was a sec 3-4 boy living in seng kang.. i had a younger sister.. think for some reason ... probably we had angered our 'mum'.. that is why is refusing us entry back home as a form of punishment.. the point is.. i felt absolutely happy to be 'him' ... this only goes to shows that how unhappy i was with who i am.. and yes.. sometimes i really hope i can wake up to find myself not me anymore... its complex when i try to come out with reasons for such a thought and how i should go about solving this issue...


appearance.. self esteem... family...wealth... think these elements that contributed to how i see myself...

appearance.. yes i am working on it... and managed to achieve a well toned and better shaped figure...and still have lots of room for improvement.. method: a healthier diet... amino acid pills.. and regular workout.. complexion hmmm not very good... haaha... but still working on it... method: clarins mens' facial products...


self esteem ... a long way to go.. i always had this problem with communication and presenting myself... but i am working on it... though not impressive.. but i can see improvements... possession of new qualities that i never had... i began to like to greet people in the morning... knowing new people really sparks up my dull army life..also i am working seriously over my proficiency in the english language.. i have been doing grammar exercises ...err.. haha and actually that all... however the most worrying issue here is my spoken english.. its very very bad.. i always felt that both the self esteem and my command of the english language are intertwine...such that i cant speak good english is because of low self esteem.. and that i have low self esteem ie i cant present myself well is also because i cant speak english.. but will work on it..!

regarding family... think i have a near to perfect family.... but the only thing is that each of us are never customize to show one another how much we love one another...so much so that i never dare to show how precious they are to me.. maybe its not the only.. read on

wealth .. this is main issue that i wanna discuss in todays blog ..i had always hope to be a RMS or rich man son... reminding me of this always make me feel sad.. cos i know that its something that can never come true anymore.. and thats why i promise myself that i will and must lead a luxurious life that i always dreamt of .. buying branded goods.. driving luxurious car.. and living in a Maison... hahha... but of cause they are so easily said than actually carrying out it.. cause i wouldnt have the ability to do so...

least i think its a good start with the shopping trip to takashimaya with my family... we went to Louis vuitton(LV) .. she had always wanted to buy herself a lv baggie and wallet... it cost her SGD2500 in all... but for that kind of price we paid.. think the product and the service we received is excellent... i will recommend this particular whom i think is the best .. Gorden... he even bother to serve non potential customers..! while walking around with the huge LV brown shopping bag... we received a very unique treatment from the salesperson from TSC.. i saw the most number of smiles from them in just a couple of hours.. even from those whom we are not buying things from.. follow next.. my mum got me a Angus b. wallet.. it cost me.. $325.. the most ex wallet that i ever own.. but i really love it... the strong of leather .. and the design,,, simple but eyecatching..

in just that single trip i seriously felt as if i am on the top of the earth... almost enjoyimg every single seconds.. guess i am just being shallow and materialistic... but that is just what i want.. soon after that i fell in love with fashion and branded things...

to conclude.. i will work harder towards liking myself.. by improving my life and enjoying how to be me... i must be in full control of the direction of my life..!

A million thoughts

today lots of thoughts have actually went through my mind... heard abt the reason why ji mei was so busy with recently... someone close to her had passed away... as according to ji mei her aunt is a very head strong and independent women... one fine eg is as such: on the actual days of her operation and on days when she was discharged, she took public transportation on her to the hospital.. and ALONE... thats really amazing.. if i were in her shoes, i guess i would have been doing otherwise... and definitely not alone.. cause i think i would have that kind of courage to face the battle alone... ji mei cried... alot... so much that at some point of time... i really cant hear whats she is saying...

"life is really so short... (sob.. sob...) we should really treasure it.. and always full of surprise.. the next moment someone will just disappear from your side without a word" thats is roughly what she had said.. (not exact)... hmmm.. yea thats very true.. thinking of that.. we also talk abt HiLow... and we came out with this together... HiLow really has nothing better to do... than to make a mess out of our friendship and esp our life.... think she ought to and a day off and just sit facing the mirror to do some reflection on her current life... why make it miserable when u have a choice to brighten it.... life is short... so we should live it without any regret.. dun you think so too.. of i do understand that its easy said than done.. but we can always work towards that goal..

guess its also think to point out this.. heard about how wj is doing in army.. i always thought that he is doing not bad .. at least a sergeant.. but it turn out very different... rumored he fake depression... and down pes to a storeman from a technician... which is huh ... and i found out also that he has became anti social .. hasnt been keeping contact with hy so often like in the past ... he used to be so sunshine and vain.. haha... but now he is a totally changed man.. looking at myself now... i felt total relief... i am no longer in that stage anymore.. though i used to be during my bmt n trainee days.. during those days... the 1st person that comes to my mind is my mum... and take my mind off thinking about my younger days when i am a mummy's boy... i know ii can never reverse time back to then.. so all i can hope is that i can give all the best i can to her... cos you won;t know when who's journey in life is going to end.. just like what ji mei said.. treasure life...

as of now... i really look forward to ORD.. it has been a very long time since i get to enjoy long holidays.. i felt the urge to bring my life forward.. a lot more...

sweet

i am appreciative of recent events in my life.. its really satisfying or rather fulfilling .... it has been months since i last understand what it means to be free ... to me even sit and stare is larger than life... the last few days in camp.. i had totally enjoyed it.. i can only say i felt alive..!

i felt my presence among all my frens in alpha n bravo esp... guess... after all... wk n hs isnt really impt to me.. the new me is able to see further n able to cross beyond the boundary i used to imagine...its only now that i realise that there such boundary doesnt exist.. even if it does... i shldnt be bothered by it... just like what ji mei had always pointed out.. "dun always think too highly of someone whom used to be close to u... you can be independent of them.. let it go and you will see beyond the horizon.".

shocked...

things werent goin as smoothly as i thought it is going to be.. what i had been doing has resulted in some undesirable side effects... but hoped everything will be fine once again when i find my way out this dazzling , confusing maze mist or what-so-ever..

i started all this for these simple reasons (ranked by position)

1* confidence
2* physique/ look
3* attention
4* to feel healthy

yes.. so shallow right! thats what u will say.. but to me i guess this is what i am lacking in to become a more successful person.. the keyword that is always absent... CONFIDENCE ...

of cause at the some time... without monitoring i sidetracked... so much so that i cant recognise myself anymore... so mr ... please remember you are doing all this to in the name of good and positive reasons.. i understand its distracting.. but please stay focus !!

and lastly a gentle reminder... you will eventually taste your fruit of labour if you press on.. dun give up!

the Mirror

Sometimes i really wonder why the reflection in that mirror i am looking into matter to me so much... my honest and direct deduction ... for the sake to fulfill my thirst for perfection cause i am a Scorpio...? haha excuses ... seriously i am not sure too... but one thing i know for sure... during situations where i am aware i am not as attractive (as according to my standard) when compared to my peers.. i will feel depress.. Haiz......

Thats the reason why i decided to pursue the image i hoped to achieve... i started doing regular workouts whenever i have the time... at that juncture when such a decision is made.. i sudden felt something is not quite right... MY LIFE IS FINALLY MOVING ON!!! it has for abt 10 mnths, since i am able to make new plans to address to this on-going issue... and i guess this time round the right solution is obviously being carried out... quite happy indeed on just so much i managed to achieve with a short timespan of 3 months... of cos i am going to work harder in order to better prepare myself for my future ... i know i will not lose out..

Anyway its time to slp lor... tml still need to wake up early to go TK.. night!!

Back dating

Hmmm... seriously theres far too much things in hand that i need to comment about... but i shall cover two issues every update...

As for today.. i learned something.. no i must correct myself.. its not a lesson just learned but rather this incident reinforces my urge and motivation to better myself as an english speaker... i have to become a more proficient speaker when 1st language is concerned...

it goes like this... a exhausting morning to began with due to ippt... had a 2.4 min run... i knew that everyone was anticipating a gold reward from me.. but i am aware that my limits wouldnt allow things to go smoothly.. got 5 pts for all the stations... and then comes the most critical station of all the 2.4km run.. sadly even with OHht's pacing and more accurately mdmtees cheering... i only managed to achieve a itiming of 10 flat mins... thats 16 sec from gold... honestly i m quite surprised and glad that after so long of no-training-army-days.. my gold is not very far from sight... speaking of the truth... if mdmtee had been the one to push me for 2.4.. i will definitely make it... she is person whom i respect most...

when we get to book out ard noon ... it became slightly more interesting... i took ken's car from camp all the way to kallang sports centre.. it was a weird experience for me since both me and the new officers since we dont know each other well...the only person i knew is ken... we didnt talk much to one another(me n the other officers whom i dont know)... next came the most exciting event of the day.. dragon boating!!...though it was a bit xiong.. it was never the less fun!! i had always thought that its just a simple boring and easy sports... after with i follow ken's car back to his awesome house... can see that he is dirt rich.. lol... haha.. anyway yes another awkward session with the new officers... seriously they are nice but just that not as good as darel or edwin... awkwardness arises due to blurred boundary... how much am i allowed to cross over.. i guess at the end of the day.. we all are just trying to make friends... it doesnt whether what rank we hold as long as we are peers ... and because of this i questioned myself once again.. y gave up the option of becoming someone better in position.. but i couldnt get an answer only till later part of the day...


Eventually all of us had arrived at sakura safra tamp as the programs for the day progress.. it was a wonderful meal.. the part that i have to highlight is from the ride home in mdmtee's car.. only me and terry the new officer had taken her car.. both of them were having a chat so long and intellectual that i think i can never sustain... fluent, engaging, and connecting and even seems enjoyable.. y .. y wasnt i granted this ability or skill to be able to express myself with ease... and thats y i decided that i must improve myself esp in these areas... talk confidently... present myself with pride and charisma.. that is only mean i see so far that could help me excel in my life... to fulfill to thirst for new achievements.. during the talk i was wondering y was i always left out of th conversation.... is it because the other person is an officer ... thats y he must outshine me? or just that it is because that she she simply prefers him over us.. and here came the ans for the earlier part of the day too.. its just a matter of choice of level of commitment ... we are made to do this... thus for some its they will put in their best while others will take it easy...it all depends on how much one enjoys it... and hence a matter of choice.. i know i can never bring myself to enjoy it.. haha... since thats the case.. we are indifferent... one who carries that title will have to bare more expectations from us... and thats his choice..it doesnt judge how good a person one is.. as it merely indicates their level of expectations form others in the organisation and i know mdmtee understands that.. of cause i will never deny the development the the school had bring about in them during the trainings...

its jus a shack and enjoyable day...

Fresh is the new world

Yes.. this shall be my new reflection spacex... or RSX for short.. think its time that something has to be done in order to keep track what i have learn, things i m appreciative of, or things i have to achieve in my remaining 10 months of NSF life...

This will be the best platform to communicate with myself... ok maybe it might sound irony since i shlould know myself best and yet still the need for a medium just to communicate to myself..? as far as i know ...the talking-to-mirror or chatting-with-air technique doesnt work for me at all... they only allow me to put processes through my RAM and not store the final products in my HARD DRIVES ... this is really driving me nuts since it seems to me that i am just a useless computer...

Its especially this few weeks that such an initiative keep popping up in my mind that it has to be done asap.. thats what my life is lacking of... lacks the capacity to store the essentials... this just voice down to one reason ... i am an empty shell..

F.R.E.S.H

Start afresh with this new space... a new hope to find myself back... back to where i left off a year ago... and go with the direction where my destination lies...

HERE I COME...